Financial Stages that I have experienced.

Single with no children; “Caught up in the here and now life of the young, they give little thought to keeping financial records or making long-range goals.” I definitely can identify with Poduska’s description of single finances. I bought a fast car had a plethora of department store credit cards and if I wanted it I bought it. By the time I was preparing for marriage I had, including my car, over 10,000 dollars in debt. I also had a sweet car, amazing wardrobe and a lot of amazing shoes.

Married with no or young children; This stage can be broken into two stages before and after children. “Financial responsibilities and common financial mistakes are an integral part of both phases.” My fiance and I agree that starting a marriage with that much debt was not a great idea. The summer before I got married I moved home, got two jobs and poured all of my money into my debt. By the time our marriage came along all I had left was the debt from my amazing car. Both my husband and I worked and he went to school we didn’t have a lot of money to spend or time to spend money. Our first child came 16 months after we were married. I became a stay at home mom and we were living on beans, however, we thought we could afford to buy a house. After we bought the house we continued on with excessive debt with credit cards. I’m not sure why this happens but we just bought our fifth house and after buying a home for some reason we spend money. We have been back and forth, in and out of debt for 19 years. In my experience babies and toddlers are expensive because of diapering, clothing, and feeding but after that younger children, ages 3 to 9 are not a great financial burden. My children began piano and participating in sports at age 7 and that added to the financial responsibility but it was nothing compared to what was coming with teenagers.

When children become teenagers; “This stage requires increases in almost all categories of the family budget.” This statement has rung very true within our family. Food, clothing and “pampering” expenses once again escalate. Sports, driving, camps, private lessons, friends, entertainment and I could go on and on. Life becomes an endless array of I need money for this and that, some legitimate others not. I am so grateful that as they get older my husband became more advanced and educated in his career. We have three teenagers at home right now the second getting ready to drive, my husband is also now making more money than he ever has before. Grateful for the progression of life.

Reference

Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 2). Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.

Power in the Home

     Early on in my adulthood, I was actively pursuing an education degree. Although I did not finish the degree I learned some valuable lessons that have helped me to be a better parent. The best lesson learned has to be, avoiding power struggles. This lesson has really benefitted me in my journey as a mother. Richard Miller’s article reiterated this lesson and gave me new insight. “What is the power relationship in your marriage?” This was interesting to me as I haven’t ever necessarily thought about avoiding power struggles or sharing power with my husband and how it would affect our family dynamics. 

        Gordon B. Hinkley, former prophet states, "I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does…If there is anything that concerns me, it is that some men try to run their wife’s life and tell her everything she ought to do. It will not work. There will not be happiness in the lives of the children nor of the parents where the man tries to run everything and control his wife. They are partners. They are companions in this great venture that we call marriage and family life (Marjorie Pay and Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, October 2003, pp. 22, 27).

         My husband is a very easy going guy so it is quite easy to bulldoze him if I am not paying attention. He is a District Manager at work so he is more than willing to let me have more power in the home. He recognizes that I have more education and knowledge in childrearing, he sees it as one of my talents. I appreciate the faith that he has in me and the way he allows me to use my education to make decisions in our home. I have always tried to be smart and careful with the power he has trusted me with. I am grateful for a husband that withholds his patriarchal duties and also allows me to do what I do best, be a mother and educator to our children.

Books About Intimacy in Marriage

“Luckily, I accepted as true the scriptural admonition that we ought to “seek learning” on matters of ignorance “out of the best books” and that we ought to “teach one another words of wisdom” (see Doctrine and Covenants 88:118),” (Brotherson, 2003). Even about sexual intimacy? In our home, we read to know. Why would intimacy be any different? We have talked a lot about the scripture mentioned and how we know what the “best books” are. I can see how with this topic seeking those who share the same beliefs on the topic would be crucial to the books that you select to read. I really appreciate the list of sources Sean E. Brotherson, Ph.D. gives on the subject.

1- The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Excellent, Christian-based book on sexual love in marriage, frank and wholesome. Great for engaged or newlywed couples, as well as couples at any other stage of marriage.

2 - Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley. Solid and interesting perspective on marital intimacy from a Latter-day Saint gospel perspective. Very good resource.
3 - Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat. Book by a Christian MD and therapist with his wife, very insightful and well-done.
4 - The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. Well-known therapist and marriage educator have written an engaging and positive book about dealing with sexual challenges in marriage. Brand new, a great read.
5 - Purity and Passion by Wendy Watson, a BYU professor and marital therapist whose book on intimacy is grounded in gospel understanding and purpose. Nice resource.
6 - Couple Sexual Awareness or Sexual Awareness: Couple Sexuality for the Twenty-first Century or Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages, all by Barry and Emily McCarthy. These are well-written, practical guides on sexual intimacy for couples by a well-recognized sex therapist and his spouse.

Of reading these sources Brotherson states, “God would not be very kind, in my opinion, if He were to create the means and the affection for married couples to express love to each other sexually, yet deny us the opportunity to gain the learning and wisdom we need to find fulfillment and mutual joy in this critical aspect of married life.” After this statement, he encourages us to ask questions and read or seek out the best books for answers. That is how true knowledge is gained even in the realm of intimacy.

Reference
Brotherson, S.E. (2003). "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage." Meridian Magazine, www.meridianmagazine.com.