Your Problem or Mine?

“While the natural man is inclined to think that the problem is our partner, the man of Christ knows that the irritation is probably the result of some faulty thinking-some troublesome assumption and expectation nested in their unconscious,” (Goddard, 2009). In his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard, Ph.D., explains the role that pride plays in marriage and how to avoid it.

Goddard explains that there are ways to see pride coming, “feeling irked, annoyed, or irritated with our spouse,” these are signs that our hearts have moved away from heaven and pride has set root. One of the reasons we are inclined to feelings of annoyance for our spouse is because of our natural inclination to think more of ourselves and less of others. The problem lies with them and I am going to help them fix their problem. This is pride.

“Today’s culture teaches a very different lesson from traditional wisdom: We now hear that it is noble and worthy to focus on our own needs,” (Goddard, 2009). Goddard explains that this mentality does not work in marriage because marriage requires giving up one’s self and needs for the benefit of the other.

The paradox, everyone wants to be happy but according to Goddard their selfish searches only leave them empty. True happiness only comes through self-sacrifice for the good of another. Being able to put aside our natural inclinations of blame, annoyance and what Goddard calls “narrow focus,” will help us see our spouses goodness rather than what we perceive as flaws of character.  When we stop putting ourselves first, humility takes root and we are better able to serve, love and build a positive relationship with our spouse. That is when true happiness begins and pride ends.

Reference

Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results.            Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.